Let Him Fly, my thoughts

Tonight, the BDC showcased their dances to an advisor for constructive criticism to clean and perfect before the Spring Show. 

One of the dances I will be performing is called "Let Him Fly" and it is sung by Patty Griffin, not the Dixie Chicks and not Jessica Simpson. 

There is a raw, untempered emotion in the way Patty Griffin sings this song. It doesn't sound auto-tuned or trained, it sounds like she is singing from her heart and doesn't care whether she sounds good or not. We know she does want to sound good. But the created sound resonates from her heart, not her lungs, not her throat, but from her heart. (Please listen to the Youtube video, before reading the rest. It makes a lot more sense if you listen to it first.)

Ain't no talkin to this man
Ain't no pretty other side
Ain't no way to understand the stupid words of pride
It would take an acrobat, and I already tried all that so
I'm gonna let him fly
Things can move at such a pace
The second hand just waved goodbye
You know the light has left his face
But you can't recall just where or why
So there was really nothing to it
I just went and cut right through it
I said I'm gonna let him fly

There's no mercy in a live wire
No rest at all in freedom
Of the choices we are given it's no choice at all
The proof is in the fire
You touch before it moves away
But you must always know how long to stay and when to go

And there ain't no talkin to this man
He's been tryin to tell me so
It took awhile to understand the beauty of just letting go
Cause it would take an acrobat, I already tried all that
I'm gonna let him fly
I'm gonna let him fly
I'm gonna let him fly 

There is an angst to this song. And the choreographer tried to explain this to us the last rehearsal before we showcased it. She told us that two girls had the concept of the angst and were showing it in their emotions on their face and in their movements. 

Then the choreographer pointed at me and told me that I had almost had the concept. So ever since that moment, I've been trying to discover what that emotion, what that concept of angst is. What has happened in my life that I can pull from to channel when I'm performing this dance?

I was talking to a friend at lunch this morning before others came and I told him about this angst emotion in the dance. I told him how the choreographer told me I almost had the angst...and then my friend suggested to think about my ex-boyfriend. I thought that was hilarious because my ex-boyfriend and I are good friends for having broken up a month ago. 

But...

The more I think about the lyrics and the movements, I begin to see that my friend was right. In order to perform this dance with its full potent and raw emotion, I need to be channeling the emotion of that night...a month ago. I need to channel all that raw emotion I felt that week following, of the sadness and then the want to let it all go, and not cry anymore. I needed to let everything fly, including him. I still do.

To quote Patty Griffin, it did take awhile to understand the beauty of letting him go. Because, at the end of the song, you didn't have to be an acrobat. You can just let the whole thing fly. The night, the man, the feelings. You can be free. 

At least, that's what I'm gonna do.